sterilebear on chapter 1, 2025-01-04 [original]

i should be asleep. it’s nearly 4 am. but i got the notification for this, looked at the clock, and said, “fuck it,” because this is far more important than sleep. you have no idea how delighted and excited i am to read this first chapter—and, just so you know, i’m not the only one! years of hype and curiosity have mounted at last, and i am thrilled for the dozens of saturdays to come. holy. fucking. shit! the commitment is paying off. be proud!
as for my notes on this chapter:
- wonderful descriptions. admittedly, i don’t often read, but this so far is one of only a few things lately that can keep me hooked. the details—bevelle’s streets, the food jecht wolfs down, auron’s barracks, coultan’s armory—are so easy to visualize, and characters’ voices so easy to hear!
- the institutional homophobia already peeking in and the hints towards auron’s background are already so painfully delightful and intriguing. i love his very realistic struggle as—and this is just a prediction—an unwillingly outed gay man; being a laughing stock among his former peers, only being on good terms with a select few remaining people, including coultan, who jecht internally refers to as effeminate, etc. just… lots of queer struggle. it makes me happy in a strange new way to read about my favorite gay character being treated this way, which sounds bad… but it’s the *experience,* y’know? it’s illuminating and cathartic to read, as a queer person. thank you for making his character so gay, and thank you for including every bit of what makes that so difficult, too. sincerely.
- braska being allowed to see yuna only on certain days is interesting. i look forward to learning more about that. these are just reading questions that i’m asking myself going forward: was he too catatonic to properly care for yuna? was he not financially stable enough? did he willingly leave her there? god! i love how tragic this is already shaping up to be.
- the worldbuilding is so effortless and immersive! yuna living at a convent, braska’s cultural food, braska’s *parents*—even class and literacy being interwoven. now *that* is a particularly thoughtful detail. i love it. i’m especially curious about braska’s ethnicity and cultural background. did any real world ethnicities inspire your take on him?
- i read this on your website in PDF format, and your formatting skills are incredible! it matches the feel perfectly. genuinely, it feels like i’m reading an official novelized prequel. honestly, if ever you make a print edition of this, i would pick it up in a heartbeat.
- “The thought that he might complete the pilgrimage and do something good for the Spiran people was comforting to him; he was determined to set that process in motion as soon as possible. Every day that he delayed was a burden, and every step he took that brought him closer to his goal brought him some much-needed solace.” oh, braska, that isn’t selflessness, that’s severe depression and suicidal ideation. this poor, very mentally ill man. i also like that he tires more easily and cannot bring himself to eat as much as a result of said depression and disordered habits.
incredible work! again, be proud! :D

sonofgodzilla on chapter 1, 2025-01-04 [original]

This immediately drew me in, I loved it, I loved the tension, I loved the way you explore their relationship, I love how much hurt is present yet goes unsaid. I, ah, whispers: I never finished FFX because I found Tidus so off-putting, but I always, always loved Jecht, I think everything about him is so sad, and I love the way you have brought him and Auron and Braska alive in your prose.

Gosh. This is the first fic I have read in 2025. What a way to start!

sterilebear on chapter 2, 2025-01-11 [original]

yes! the pacing is already shaping up to be great! solid second chapter, things are definitely a-chuggin’!
1. jecht interrupting braska and yuna’s final departure is so delightfully awkward. on that note, i love how he manages to be a sort of distraction for auron and braska, even amidst (or perhaps because of) how, ah, *challenging* he is. also, him complimenting yuna is lovely, but him then immediately insulting tidus makes it quite sad. he’s so eager to show his best to a child that isn’t even his own. ranking people based on strength… very healthy, jecht! the alcoholism, too. great coping skills, big guy. you write his machismo persona so well!
2. the image of him bumbling drunkenly around bevelle is also a great one. his unfamiliarity is so fun to witness here, and his shock at the existence of magic is so real, LMAO. like me too king
3. that bit about him refusing to show vulnerability after he’s been healed for the first time is SO on point, AAA i LOVE that tidbit! one of our little deeper looks into jecht, and i’m already so intrigued!
4. it’s so impressive and clever how you managed to solve the canon issues of braska making recordings and then seemingly abandoning them, yuna having no time to get to know jecht, how the jecht spheres got left around spira, AND the function of spheres themselves all in a few simple ways! absolutely love the creativity.
5. braska’s struggle with the mention of his wife, owww. poor guy. also, auron seeing his hair for the first time and being like 👀 is super endearing, aw!

sonofgodzilla on chapter 2, 2025-01-11 [original]

I loved this as much as the first chapter. I'm instantly engrossed by this. I really appreciated the hints of Jecht's weakness and... man, just the sadness of Braska is too relatable. I love this work already, just two chapters in. Thank you so much for this!

sterilebear on chapter 3, 2025-01-18 [original]

i’m, like, three paragraphs in, and already this is my favorite chapter so far.
firstly, seeing them shaving is novel, and i appreciate the exploration of yevonite customs! that, and it’s a very lifelike detail—and imagining braska with stubble is somehow new to me! secondly, the bit exploring auron and kinoc’s friendship and kinoc’s personality and background is very interesting! reading this feels like peeling back layers of an orange—gradually uncovering more about these characters and how you write them to reveal a deliciously sour treat. thirdly, i love girl. what a sweet name, and the more trendy al bhed naming convention reminds me of people i know in real life! some americans who aren’t native english speakers name their children similarly, and it’s awesome every time. i knew of a girl named sativa once.
…
jecht having internal issues with braska’s masculinity and insinuating that auron has never gotten laid is such a solid representation of his character thus far in the story. i also like that he’s much less patient in this chapter! also, auron explaining that *he has fucked, actually, warrior monks aren’t conscripted to vows of chastity—* perfect. no notes. LMAO.
OMG YOU EVEN EXPLAINED JECHT’S BANDAGE. THAT’S A DETAIL I DIDN’T EVEN *THINK* ABOUT UNTIL NOW! WOW! and braska standing up to jecht is very, very nice. i love how you write him so much! i also like his speech patterns. he has a more long winded way of speaking than the other two. and auron’s perpetual preparation for the journey always tickle that itch in my brain that aches for logistics.
braska explaining an al bhed bodice ripper, LOL. i love that! braska’s very quickly becoming my favorite alongside auron here. it goes without saying, but your portrayal of a mentally ill character is incredible, and i’m guessing that’s because it’s written from experience—but of course, i don’t say that to assume or pry. good days and bad days and days that change by the minute, just… wow. i love it. ahhh, he’s such great, realistic representation.
auron considering pilfering books, oooh… such a small detail gives such massive insight into his morals and ideals! also, him nervously standing behind braska waiting for him to notice is a great image. his awkwardness is incredible, LOL.
also jecht losing a bet at a bar and BOLTING is a great way to end things. such an irresponsible guy, LMAO.
great chapter!! :D

(another edit: i love how human braska is. hes embarrassed of his wife's name, he's snippy at times, he's overly forgiving, and regardless of reason, was not there to care for yuna--but even so, he's a good friend to auron, a skilled mage, and is pretty good humored and decently well meaning thus far. he's so layered and flawed and is just a man doing what he can in a very real, human way. when i say i love things about characters or the characters themselves, i wanna make clear that i'm not trying to idealize them or ignore their flaws--i love them because of them and how you portray them. idk, you don't see that a lot these days in writing. at least, i don't. and i love this all that much more for it!)

Revulture on chapter 3, 2025-01-19 [original]

I really enjoyed reading this.
I especially liked the touch of name translations as a reflection of some real-life customs. It adds a very fond layer of believability and real world depth, I think.
I also am intrigued by the way you write Braska. I find that (and this is in no way a grievance of other fics) often writers will kind of gloss over Braska for better or for worse. I'm really fascinated by your characterization of him and I'm excited to read more!

sonofgodzilla on chapter 3, 2025-01-20 [original]

You do such a wonderful job of enriching this world, of making the mechanics of the game make sense in the reality of the narrative. I know I keep talking about Jecht, but I love how complex he is, I love how you present him as bullish and yet wounded.

I look forward to these chapters every week! <3

sterilebear on chapter 4, 2025-01-25 [original]

braska’s depression is so, like… idk, it’s lifelike, that his suicidal thoughts bring him both relief and anguish. it’s a very primal, animal thing to want to live, to not want to encounter pain or hardship on the way to your goals—but when that goal is death, it’s all the more conflicting and strangling and paralyzing when suicidal urges and those survival instincts intermingle. all you can do is cry and drag yourself along—or rather, in his case, try *not* to. idk, maybe i’m reading too deeply into things, but i get that specific feeling from braska in this chapter. it’s a lot, he’s right. it’s *quite* a lot. his fixation on death and girl conveys an emotion i have only ever felt and never before described in words. while i can’t choose between a favorite because all three of the boys are interesting in their own right, braska’s the favorite in this fic when it comes to how he manages to shoulder the burden of the pilgrimage.
i really admire the complexity in every line. it seems almost effortless, but of course it’s not, right?
also, rules for conduct… aha! more insight into what happened with auron! i’m guessing, just based on what we know so far, that he got caught with someone? i like the way you trickle bits of information, it makes things interesting!
THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING APPLE. LMFAOOO. jecht, oh my god, this fucking guy. i fucking LOVE that bit. also i love how appalled auron is at him eating some nice buttery toast because of religious doctrine regarding food. good worldbuilding, while also being humorous—and a little sad, honestly! also the sheer detail of jecht’s scruff and fingers, omg… auron was, um, watching quite closely. god, what a tense exchange! or maybe i’m nutty for interpreting it that way. either way, i love it.
i like the al bhed party giving braska a winter vest! that’s lovely. poor guy, though. he can’t catch a break, being reminded of *her.* and auron’s view on al bhed and weaponry is well explained. his preference for swords is charmingly nerdy, imo. and, again, more tension between him and jecht, in all ways, lmao. love it! the sphere recordings are all very seamlessly incorporated, by the way!
jecht criticizing their resource management is both really funny and makes total sense. he’s, like, really good at rationing his alcohol. you’d think he wouldn’t be, but he definitely is. i like that!
that reaction to the lake that auron had… i get the feeling it’s because of the fayth? in which case, wow. what extremely powerful forces they are here, holy shit. it’s also interesting to note that braska hasn’t yet had to summon! i like that you’re saving that, it’s a perfect byproduct of the worldbuilding surrounding magic use and how draining aeons are.
“Magic was clearly at play in the temple’s construction, and it was difficult to discern the exact boundary between the man-made and the natural.” that’s my favorite line. i love ancient and eerie structures and lore so much—so fascinating and beautiful and terrifying all the same!
i love how jecht is kind of a natural with things like organization and logic puzzles. you characterize him well! i love this jecht a lot!
very excited to see how braska copes with the trial. badly, i’m guessing, but i’m still very excited, if not for that exact reason! incredible chapter—things are picking up well and truly!

sonofgodzilla on chapter 4, 2025-01-26 [original]

Like Braska, the kindness of the Al Bhed in this chapter actually made me cry. I found this moment really, really poignant.

I love the way you take the framework of the game and blend it into the shape of the world. The use of a save point in this chapter as well as the puzzle both felt really inspired in a way that made like "oh, I know what's been spoken of here" but I believed in them as artifacts of the world not just game elements.

sterilebear on chapter 5, 2025-02-01 [original]

this chapter more than speaks for itself, so i'm just going to compile my favorite lines, because i don't know how else to convey my thoughts after this one. in the absence of too much commentary, just know that i absolutely love it! shit's hard for everyone, and though they're persevering, it ain't easy!
"He watched as she finally stepped up to offer her soul, and he understood: they were not so different." GOD. fascinating, too, that he is deemed weak; and it makes sense. his motivation is extremely self-serving, unlike shiva's fayth's.
"'Magic can do all sorts of things,' Braska added, 'but it can’t bring back the deceased, alas.'" *screams* *leonardo dicaprio pointing at his tv*
"Time passed; it was noticeably darker when Auron found himself being shaken awake by Jecht. 'What?' he mumbled, half-conscious. 'I’m hungry,' said Jecht." LMAO
"It was a pleasant surprise, he had to admit, that Jecht had thought to get a portion for him as well; not that he was going to say so out loud. 'Guess we should get some for Braska too,' Jecht pointed out after a while." awww. despite his issues with masculinity, he does care after all. not that i ever doubted that he does, it's just nice to see his genuine concern make more of an outward appearance.
"'Language, Jecht,' said Braska quietly, nodding towards the sphere recorder." cuuute
"Auron looked unusually young, he suddenly thought: with his cheeks reddened and his eyelids drooping with fatigue, his long hair uncharacteristically untidy, he seemed almost childlike." awww. god, 25 is YOUNG to be on such a harrowing pilgrimage, and this moment, just... awww. and auron slipping into braska's warmth is so. ugh. god. the pininggg
honorable mentions are auron getting knocked out for the first time, jecht bolting from the temple because braska's being so weak that it's disturbing his masculinity, braska and auron arguing briefly about auron's behavior (and braska being too incapacitated to have a level head), and the introduction of perula! she makes an interesting contrast to braska. i look forward to seeing more of her!
great chapter!

sonofgodzilla on chapter 5, 2025-02-04 [original]

“We ain’t gonna get to Zanarkand, are we?” said Jecht.

AH!

I sort of... I enjoy the fact that I get to read this each week and feel bad because every time I think everyone is getting on the same page, it sort of falls apart in the most heartbreaking but fascinating way. I loved this, I loved Jecht's inability to deal with frailty, to manage emotion, this really got me in the heart. It's tragic. (T_T)

Revulture on chapter 6, 2025-02-08 [original]

Braska cheating at their footrace absolutely kills me. : )

sterilebear on chapter 6, 2025-02-08 [original]

auron being kind of a haggler is something i didn’t expect, oh my god. i giggled lmaooo
braska having a bit of hope is very melancholy, awh. on one hand, he walks another day, but every step is another towards his death, so it’s like… augh. sad boy. but the hope is nevertheless there! the detail about the fayth being like the guardian spirit of the region is a really cool one, too!
jecht’s alcoholism being his biggest coping skill as of now is also very melancholy, in addition to braska’s minute hope. none of these guys are stable. but it is nice that braska notices his dependence! it’s nice that, when braska’s feeling a little less bad, he’s capable of more empathy and civility. i mean, that goes for everyone, that’s just human nature, but i do like how you were able to portray that realism nonetheless! him being sheltered is another good detail. class pervades a lot of this fic. from braska’s treatment of auron to auron’s of braska, and jecht’s ideas of how he should be treated based on his own back home in zanarkand. and how they each mesh is fascinating!
braska’s connection to the aeons, his ability to see their humanity, and his ability to actually feel them, is so fucking cool. like, him feeling them in his body is both kind of horrific and also adorable? i can’t really explain my reaction, but it’s one of wonder! and auron’s little attempt at a joke falling flat is very sweet and very tragic.
jecht hearing the voice in the orb is so mysterious and also frankly hilarious because of his reaction to it. me too, dude. but i also have to wonder what it was going to say!
jecht flipping the bird and ogling shiva is really fucking funny. and then going on to insinuate that braska would be jacking off. what a guy lol. and braska getting all flustered by her… awww. that’s kind of sweet in a way. poor guy’s a widower, so there’s no doubt he was reminded of a certain someone just by virtue of it being a woman. but also, a line i particularly find interesting is “he was a man, after all,” because of how it reflects his own idea of male sexuality. i have to wonder—does he see auron as an outlier for his homosexuality? maybe i’m looking too far into it. still, i love the insight! that’s great writing! and jecht piling on by saying, “I think there’s somethin’ seriously wrong with him.” oh, dude, you have no idea. also auron getting kind of turned on by the thought of braska masturbating is so… like him. lmao. this chapter is perhaps the most charged one yet, and painfully so. braska’s close to crying for his weakness, jecht’s drunk and wolf whistling at an aeon, and auron’s struggling to stay well mannered. incredible.
braska working out in his artichoke robes is a PLEASURE to imagine. what a guy
“Looks can be deceiving.” *LEONARDO DICAPRIO POINTING AT TV* THE CUT LINE!!! THE ONE FROM THE SCENE WHERE HE SQUEEZES JECHT’S HAND!!! that’s still an absolute favorite of mine, and for years i’ve wanted to say that if you know of any other cut lines or content, i am dying to know about them!
braska being a bastard in games is SO sweet! AND YES. JECHT BEING THE ONE TO MAKE HIM LAUGH! oh my god, i ADORE that dynamic between them. so charming and absolutely adorable. easily one of my favorite scenes!
auron essentially talking down a crusader like one would a cop is the fucking best. i like this auron so much. as a result of both his former status and current dismissal, he’s skilled in many things, including some midly underhanded tactics and deescalation techniques! i love that. like genuinely adore it
BRASKA THINKING OF HIS IMPROVING RELATIONSHIP WITH JECHT AND THE PROSPECT OF JECHT AND AURON’S ALSO IMPROVING AS MOTIVATION TO CONTINUE HIS SUICIDE MARCH IS GONNA KILL MEEE. ESPECIALLY right after we see auron thinking of ways for braska to end the pilgrimageee AAAAAA
another excellent fucking chapter. bravo :D

sterilebear on chapter 7, 2025-02-15 [original]

auron reflecting on his and the others’ wild fashion sense; love that. jecht having a “MOM GET THE CAMERA” moment; LOVE that. auron finding braska staring off wistfully more worthwhile to record than jecht being a parkour douche; PEAK.
auron is pining a lot in this chapter. i like how that’s kind of been building up. i have to wonder what it’ll amount to, if anything—and if he’ll always be as logical and clear-headed as he claims. obviously he won’t, considering canon, so i’m pretty excited to see just how he unravels here!
the mention of auron once worrying about braska making an attempt on his own life in a bath after him mentioning a bath had triggered that memory is like. *damn.* i audibly sucked in air through my teeth. that evokes a lot, needless to say. also braska healing him after jecht surprise-cleaves his arm and them having a little Moment (tm) is very sweet. god i fucking LOVE THEMMM :(
awww the hypello! i’m reminded of the shoopuf, too. *foreshadowing.* i now have an internal mental countdown to the inevitable Shoopuf Incident. i am so excited to see how you write THAT out. my god, what a shitshow. i also really like how you give spira a sort of public access! that’s really cool! i know it’s kind of shown in-game, but i just love that you remembered that detail and included it and expanded on it a bit. final fantasy x’s world is so. UGH it’s everythinggg
speaking of, though, i am so crushed by braska’s immediate decline upon seeing Home destroyed, and his lament about Sin taking everything from him. his resolve being, in part, *that,* (AND HIM AND AURON HOLDING HANDS which is a platonic gesture in other cultures i realize BUT STILL it’s like in the lord of the rings books when tolkien described frodo and sam holding hands and. i. yeah. GOD) is tragic. i also like the subtle callback to the deleted scene where braska shows off his strong ass grip to jecht. dude’s got pinchers
braska’s low appetite in relation to his mental state is such a heart wrenching detail. i know i always say this, but genuinely, poor guy. and auron cares so much, but he doesn’t know a thing about mental health or how to care for someone in this sort of condition. their relationship is such a snowball of mutual suffering. i love it. it makes me want to bawl my eyes out until i’m a raisin
very aptly named chapter! good stuff! and happy late valentine’s day, i suppose? lmaooo

JeweledAnima on chapter 7, 2025-02-16 [original]

I've just binged this whole thing so far and I'm transfixed. Your characterization of not only Jecht and Auron is flawless, but the depth you're giving to Braska is so incredibly compelling, I'm really enjoying it. I also love how you're worldbuilding upon implications from the game and gameplay, it's all so engaging! Very very excited to read more of this, pining Auron especially. 💙