Devotion and Desire (chapter 17 of 49, 10367 words)
An eventful journey to Kilika Temple puts an end to the group’s financial troubles, but brings problems for Auron, who finds himself forced to rethink what is most important to him.
Read here on praze.net or here on archiveofourown.org, or read the whole fic so far as a PDF or an EPUB.
… this turned out to be a very long chapter somehow?! The fayth chapters do tend to be a bit longer (and indeed I ended up splitting the previous two into two parts), but I thought that wouldn’t be the case for this one when I don’t describe the memory exchange part at all. I guess there’s just a lot to say about Auron having a bad time.
I’m sure Auron doesn’t appreciate being prodded by Jecht’s toes, although that’s pretty much the least bad thing that happens to him in this chapter.
We get a few more insights into exactly what happened to Auron during his various moments of distress … I think it’s pretty obvious by this point!
It’s typical of Braska to say “we” should check but to mean somebody else ought to do it.
Jecht makes it very clear that Braska’s the one who wanted to know whether Auron is all right, but he clearly cares about him a little bit, because he ends up hanging around for a moment after seeing the state of him.
Auron really thinks it would be selfish to tell Braska about his distress. He’s in luck because Braska is too oblivious to notice it himself, and Jecht isn’t willingly going to bring it up.
I really needed to put in the comical bit right after Auron’s freakout where Braska is entirely confused by his extravagant expression of devotion and a woman nearly trips over him … it felt right. I love pivoting between Bad Times and slightly ridiculous humour at a moment’s notice.
Landball is a bit of a running feature in my fics for some reason; it’s just my name for whatever adaptation of blitzball is played when getting into the water is too much effort. Auron didn’t participate in the matches, I guess because, as Jecht canonically tells us later, he’s “not a sportsman”.
How long do fiends live (“live” is really not the appropriate term)? The Kilika ochu probably isn’t really immortal, but it’ll still be around when Yuna’s party come by, which seems like quite the lifespan.
Never play the “it’s the right thing to do” drinking game while reading a fic starring Jecht.
Braska shook his head, and said, “It’s all right, Auron. We should help them – Kilika’s fayth may appreciate it.”
Once again, Braska is misusing the word “we”.
Bosses have a more sophisticated attack pattern than normal fiends, right, so it makes sense as an in-world explanation that they could have a degree of sentience that others lack.
sweeping her long red hair out of the way,
It’s … a surprise blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Lucil cameo! Why I felt the need to include this, I’m not sure. According to semi-canonical sources she would be 15 at this point. A bit grim that she has already enlisted, but I suppose that’s what it’s like when Sin’s about. I’d rather have included my girl Elma but she’s even younger so I couldn’t really stretch to making her a Crusader. Her mother will appear briefly at a later point, however.
Braska is still using his staff to cast white magic on Jecht and his bare hands for Auron, even though he and Jecht are such great friends now … hmm. Could It Be That You And Auron … Are More Than Friends …
I’ve invented this “the children of summoners usually become summoners” thing because of Braska’s sphere for Yuna where he’s very insistent that she choose her own path. As I understand it, that sphere implies he believes people will try to force her into being a summoner like he was; I guess it makes sense that if everyone is very desparate to find the next person to defeat Sin, the child of the previous High Summoner might seem like a good bet. It seems like Braska is aware that people will try to encourage Yuna to become a summoner even if she doesn’t want to – although, as it turns out, she does want to, and people actually try to discourage her. Yuna’s motives for becoming a summoner are much more laudable than Braska’s, at least.
Braska goes absolutely apeshit when someone is mean to Auron (even though he’s quite often mean to Auron himself). It’s just about the only thing that causes him to raise his voice. I was actually just looking at some obscure webpage that says something like “he appears to be a soft-spoken and kind man” and, while kind is a tricky one, he’s definitely soft-spoken until somone dares bully his, um, best friend.
Perula’s guardians are probably in their mid-teens and are insinuating that Auron has designs on them. I don’t actually think that age gap would be considered scandalous in Spira were it a heterosexual situation, but this is your classic homophobic “that guy is gay so he must be into young boys lol”.
Auron’s relationship with his faith is extremely conflicted by this point in his trajectory! He follows the teachings in every way he can except one, which is non-negotiable, and because of just how non-negotiable it is he’s convinced himself that doing so in every other respect is enough to make him a model Yevonite citizen, even though that one non-negotiable thing is seen as quite a grave matter … and then there’s this new (but honestly, long belated) realisation that Braska is at least as important to him as Yevon is. Just give it up and embrace heresy already, that’s my advice.
Yeah, all this mysterious physical contact from Braska is not really the best thing for Auron when he’s not having a great time … this issue will certainly continue.
I think it’s quite fitting that Braska concentrates on the physical shape of the word “hope” rather than on what it could actually signify; he clings onto this very nebulous concept without actually thinking through what it would consist of.
He gets lucky with this fayth though! He just loves getting the chance to talk about how ready for death he is. I wanted to make this one less of an ordeal than the others, partly I didn’t want to distract from the fact that Auron is the one doing the suffering in this chapter, and partly because when we get to Besaid, er, well.
I like the idea that Auron and Jecht have had several brief and inconsequential fistfights while Braska has been talking to the fayth. That’s real friendship! Er, what’s that, Auron? Sorry, yeah, I mean, you must really hate each other, wow, look at all that hate. But this kind of thing is probably the type of distraction Auron needs right now.
On this occasion, Jecht and Auron are equal partners in helping Braska when he initially emerges from the chamber. Jecht has come a long way since Macalania Temple.
but it was comforting to feel Auron’s presence beside him, solid and warm and confident.
Auron is almost certainly not feeling that confident right now, but Braska doesn’t know that. He just likes holding onto him. Who can say why.
Auron has found a cure for PTSD and it’s “be in love with a guy”. Incredible work.
I’m choosing to interpret Yuna’s “I had always wanted to meet you someday” to Auron in the sphere she records on the Mi’ihen Highroad as an indication that they didn’t know each other before Braska’s pilgrimage, although I suppose if you squint, it would be valid to see it as “I wanted to meet you again after ten years”. I’m shamelessly projecting my own cluelessness and lack of interest in children onto Auron here, ho ho, although I think it fits the way I interpret certain, ahem, neurological aspects of his character. Also, Braska framing Auron’s attention to his needs as somehow fatherly is … interesting. Braska … no. Just no.
Braska casually forgetting that Auron wouldn’t be in a position to have children says something about the heteronormativity of his perspective. I’m sure Auron is acutely aware that he can’t have children and probably quite relieved that he doesn’t really want to.